Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About The Mother Of The Groom Duties in wedding planning.
Your son is getting married, and you need to know what the Mother of the Groom duties are. First of all, take a minute to pat yourself on the back. You raised a solid young man. If your baby boy is engaged, there is a good chance he’s not in jail and he is brushing his teeth. You did good momma!
Who would have thought that I would actually like the girl that stole my baby boy’s heart. A family wedding can be a beautiful time to join two families together. Last month I gained a new daughter, and I’m shocked at what a fun process adding her to the family has been. I’ve heard many horror stories, and I know this is not always an easy addition. I feel beyond blessed that God brought her to us.
The honest truth is that I’ve been praying for her since before she was born. I would often pray for God’s direction in my child’s friendships, talents and their future spouse. Don’t get the wrong idea about me. The majority of my prayers when the kids were little were desperate cries for help such as “God help me not to lose it on this naughty little stinker that just ripped my new couch with the scissors” …on accident, of course. I’m still in shock. How can my baby boy that would do summersaults off my couch, be old enough to have his own couch, let alone get married?
The thing is… He is old enough to get married. We raised him well and he fell in love with an amazing strong woman. They are both brilliant, hard workers and are just getting settled into their new home together. Although the prewedding time can have a romantic fairy tale quality, there can be some practical to do items, that you will want to get straight. The wedding planning will often set the future tone of your relationship with your new daughter, so don’t mess it up now!
While every family is unique and different, there are some things generally expected of the mother of the groom during the wedding planning period. Here is the standard list of your responsibilities..
- Have a realistic discussion with your son and future daughter-in-law about their initial plans, size of the guest list and budget. The bride’s family will help them plan most aspects of the special day.
- After the date is set, plan, pay for and host the rehearsal dinner. You own this, so make it fabulous!
- Once the bride’s family determines the size of the guest list, draw up the groom’s side address list. Remember to focus on people important to your son. If your number is limited, you may have to scratch a few of your own acquaintances.
- Attend the bridal shower and bring a gift. Get to know all the special people you new daughter’s life.
- After coordinating with the Mother of the Bride, purchase your wedding attire. She gets first dibs. Her and her daughter will set the tone and dress code for the event. Just go with the flow.
- Purchase or rent wedding attire for your immediate family such as the father of the groom and other siblings that are in the wedding party.
- If there is a mother-son dance, help him choose a meaningful song for it.
- Although the Bride’s family makes the floral decisions, the Mother of the Groom typically will pay for the bride’s bouquet and select boutonnieres or corsages.
- Attempt to keep your opinions to yourself. Lord have mercy, this is hard. If you feel strongly about a family tradition being incorporated into the festivities or frankly anything, you can softly speak up, but know that the final decisions will be made by the bride.
It can be hard to stay out of the planning mix, but for the most part your opinion may not be needed. Oh goodness this can be difficult. I was very lucky that my daughter-in-law asked me to join in on some of the special activities leading up to the big day, such as her dress shopping and fitting. From what I understand that is usually reserved for her mom and besties. Your main responsibility is to love on your son and daughter-in-law and to truly get to know her family. Your role should be to diffuse any drama and offer to help with whatever is needed.
I have always dreamed of having another daughter. The beauty in this situation is that the girl that stole my son’s heart fits right in with our clan. She is a tough farm girl that is just as comfortable in her Carhart jacket and muddy boots as she is dressing up. My daughter has always wanted a sister, and they are the best of friends. I should actually try to keep them separated. They can do some damage to the bank accounts when shopping for make-up. They are always giggling and sending silly kitty memes to each other. This relationship is so special for two girls that never had a sister before.
So, as you start your wedding responsibilities, I encourage you to focus on the long-term relationships and enjoy this moment. You raised a solid young man, and you can pass the baton to your new daughter -in law. Harping about dirty laundry on the floor is no longer your problem. Hallelujah!
Blessings to you during this joyous time!
Photo Cred: Kaitlyn Lambert
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